Leadership is not about the next election, it’s about the next generation.
Simon Sinek
The class of 2016 at my high school nominated me to give the commencement address. This was a great honor. As I thought about what to say, it was not as easy as I thought. I put some thought into what I could say that would be succinct, meaningful, and also reflect my experiences. I came up with: Life is About Experiences and Relationships.
I decided to share the speech (minus all the introductions and salutations) because it relates to my experiences and much of what I have written in previous leadership articles. It touches on trust and integrity (Trust: A Force Multiplier) and your legacy (Leadership Legacy that Matters). Here is what I said:
After it became known that I was selected to give the commencement address, many students and approached me and offered their advice on what to talk about. Shockingly, no one suggested that I talk about the awesome lesson on Logarithms that I taught earlier in the year. All of the suggestions had to do with stories or antics from class, some of which I had forgotten. These interactions validated what I wanted to share with you this evening, and that is,
Life is about experiences and relationships.
To emphasize this, think of a faculty member who you will remember in a positive way after you leave here. Think briefly about why you will remember them fondly. Now, let me read you mind, I am willing to bet your reasons have very little to do with how they taught any lesson or any academic topic. It is because you trusted them, they were fair to you, and you built some type of relationship with them.
The foundation of any relationship is trust. I have found that trust is usually given for free in our culture, so – Don’t mess it up! In my classes, before the first test, I tell a story that reminds the students of the proper perspective. I tell them that the best thing my parents ever told about school work was, “We would rather have you fail then cheat.” This served me well in school and throughout life. It emphasizes the importance of maintaining your integrity no matter how difficult the situation appears to be. I share with them the idea, that I have no memories of how a student did on any particular test. What I try to forget are those students who cheated. I have an exaggerated line that I say before each test, I say, “Do your best…and don’t cheat or I will hate you forever.” This is dramatic, but emphasizes that no matter what consequences you feel will result from a poor test, we can work through that and move on easily. If you choose to not be honest for this short-term win, you risk changing our relationship forever.
You will have times in life where you will be compelled to take a short cut, not be honest, or cheat and steal for a short-term success or personal gain – Don’t do it! It will change the relationships you have with those around you, and remember,
Life is about experiences and relationships.
Relationships will be built at home with family, at work with coworkers, and with those in your community. Trust and integrity are the foundation. Another very important piece is being fair. Let me give you my definition of fairness. This means that you always treat people in a way that recognizes their efforts and contribution while still achieving results. Many of you are a few years in a job or the military, or a college degree from being an influential person in your job or community. I am suggesting to you that you remember that fairness is more important than accomplishment, promotion, or personal gain. This does not mean that you enable those around you by letting them not perform. When you think of those faculty members that you will remember, I bet that these faculty members did not “give” you freebies but held you accountable to do the work required. They were able to convince you to do your work in a fair way. If you maintain trust and fairness to everyone through all challenges, you will have the respect of those around you. This will make enhance your relationships, and remember,
Life is about experiences and relationships.
Another story I wanted to share was about my grandfather. My grandfather fought in World War 2 and was a part of the D-day invasion. Upon returning home after the war, he worked primarily as a mason and as a farmer. He passed away suddenly many years ago. Though we saw my grandparents fairly often, we lived two hours apart, and I did not have any interactions with coworkers or people in my grandfather’s life. After the service at his funeral, a young man approached me and asked if I as Dallas’ grandson, I said yes. He said to me, “I just wanted to let you know that Dallas was the nicest man I ever knew.” I thanked him for sharing that with me. As I reflected on this afterwards, I was stuck by how powerful a legacy that was. The young man had great affection for my grandfather. His affection was not based on his masonry skills, which I’m sure were great. Nothing to do with any projects he completed, which I’m sure were impressive. His affection was not based on my grandfather’s position in the company, his affection was based on how my grandfather treated him. I imagine that this treatment included being fair, sharing knowledge and experiences, and encouraging this young man. Sometimes it is not easy and maybe uncomfortable to reach out to those around you. I encourage you to consider sharing your knowledge, experiences, and encouragement freely. Being bold will mean a lot to those around you.
Think about what you will remember more, how you were treated by someone and your interactions with them, or their accomplishments. Do not sacrifice an opportunity to share an experience with someone or enhance a relationship for an individual accomplishment or short-term gain. A legacy built on how you treated people will be much more influential than any accomplishment, because, remember,
Life is about experiences and relationships.
What would you tell a new group of high school graduates? How would/could your message be translated to the people in your current organization? What is your Commencement Address? Please share your thoughts and comments with me at @todddhirneisen and @GenLeadBlog — I’d love to hear from you!
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